Just watched the free documentary Dreaming Murakami.
Fighting the Worm. I understand. The Worm for me is a cute puppy. I fall for it, I become all Jell-O.
"Who am I?". I think I have a good idea of how people see me. But I have no idea who I am. From the moment I can remember I tried to figure out what I was doing 'here'. I always felt an outsider. I always watched myself doing stuff, making decissions (some good, often bad). Hence my favorite Radiohead song 'I'm a creep' :).
I have to watch this documentary again.
Showing posts with label private. Show all posts
Showing posts with label private. Show all posts
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 6, 2018
SylK's Playground is also on Facebook
So, if you spend a lot of time on Facebook you can also read this 'blog' over there.
Or if you don't mind but are also on Facebook, like me over there ;).
Or if you don't mind but are also on Facebook, like me over there ;).
Mar 8, 2017
Like me, like me, like me, like me!
So this is how it works.
(And now for something totally different a personal brainwave triggered by the illustration above. If it's suitable for work? I don't know. You will be the judge)
I consider myself a smart person. Even a nice person, if you get to know me. But lately things are getting a bit clearer, I have a big issue ... with relationships. I don't get it, I thought I did, but I don't. If I look around me I see people in relationships I don't get. I always thought I was easy in a relationship, easy going, I don't expect a lot from a partner, I don't want to change a partner, I don't want to tell a partner what to do. That is the issue. I think people like it when a partner expects things from their partner, people like it when a partner wants to change them or tell them what to do.
From the moment I can remember I was always walking around thinking: What am I doing here??!! And no, not meaning I want to commit suicide. The contrary. Just walking around with a lot of question marks above my head. This combined with me being ueber-curious is a bad combination I guess. I can still remember listening to Radiohead's first hit and thinking WTF that's me!
"I wish I was special. You're so very special. But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here. I don't belong here ... I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around"
So basically I'm a terrible romantic.
So, in short this story was triggered by the illustration 'I'm really sad that you don't like me internet stranger'. It shows how my brains are hopping around. In my head it started with: oh yeah, the commercial on telly about the teenagers who ask friends plse like this photo because I haven't got a lot of likes yet. From that it went to internet dating, in which I'm very very very very bad. I did it in the past and guys blocked me after chatting probably because I again said something wrong. And from this to issues with relationships.
Does this make sense? Probably not. If you came as far as this sentence ... RESPECT!
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From the moment I can remember I was always walking around thinking: What am I doing here??!! And no, not meaning I want to commit suicide. The contrary. Just walking around with a lot of question marks above my head. This combined with me being ueber-curious is a bad combination I guess. I can still remember listening to Radiohead's first hit and thinking WTF that's me!
"I wish I was special. You're so very special. But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here. I don't belong here ... I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around"
So basically I'm a terrible romantic.
So, in short this story was triggered by the illustration 'I'm really sad that you don't like me internet stranger'. It shows how my brains are hopping around. In my head it started with: oh yeah, the commercial on telly about the teenagers who ask friends plse like this photo because I haven't got a lot of likes yet. From that it went to internet dating, in which I'm very very very very bad. I did it in the past and guys blocked me after chatting probably because I again said something wrong. And from this to issues with relationships.
Does this make sense? Probably not. If you came as far as this sentence ... RESPECT!
Jan 30, 2017
Spoiled fortune cookies
I had the flu. Recuperating from it I wanted to do something useful. So what did I do? Clean out my kitchen. Got everything out of the cupboards and drawers. And what did I find? A box of fortune cookies, out of date. I couldn't resist and opened a couple of them. This is my fortune:
'Your empathy enchants'
'You will experience good luck on a personal level'
'Blow off steam. Don't bottle up anger'
'Fine, you are open to new things'
'Remain patient around people with parochialism'
'It will give you many benefits when you expand your social environment'
So ... to get good luck on a personal level and because I'm open to new things and I'm empathetical I have to expand my social environment.Thus ... I have to blow off steam when around parochialic people.
Mm.
'Your empathy enchants'
'You will experience good luck on a personal level'
'Blow off steam. Don't bottle up anger'
'Fine, you are open to new things'
'Remain patient around people with parochialism'
'It will give you many benefits when you expand your social environment'
So ... to get good luck on a personal level and because I'm open to new things and I'm empathetical I have to expand my social environment.Thus ... I have to blow off steam when around parochialic people.
Mm.
Jan 17, 2017
How I woke up this morning
There's a huge power outage in Amsterdam. Very weird waking up in the dark. And very lucky I also had an alarm set on my mobile phone! This was the view from my living room. The first thing that came to mind was ... Shit, now I can't drink my very necessary coffee!
Baby it's cold inside!
Baby it's cold inside!
Jan 14, 2017
Oh my ... Now I'm feeling guilty
One of my friends told me I was on Dutch television, a documentary about noise polution :). At about 8 minutes and 3 seconds you see me on my moped in Amsterdam. Do I have an excuse? Yes, money. Yes, I would like an electric moped or an electric bicycle because I care about polution in general. No I don't have the money to buy it.
The only thing I hope is that this friend was the only person who knows me who has seen this documentary :).
via (in Dutch)
The only thing I hope is that this friend was the only person who knows me who has seen this documentary :).
via (in Dutch)
Jan 1, 2017
I'm Back ... ...
I hope you missed me, I guess not, but it's nice to think you missed me. I always feel weird 'sharing' stuff, sometimes even personal, and not knowing who 'you' are. Long live the interwebs! Come to think of it, that's probably why our relationship is so good, we don't know each other. It makes everything simple. If you don't like me ... with one click I'm out of your life. If you like me ... uhm ... well whatever.
Lots of things happened. Busy busy busy busy. Busyness is always a good excuse. I have a job again, I still have a daughter who is 18 years old now, and I have a home again, a very nice one. And I still love being back in Amsterdam instead of Amstelfuckingveen. In fact it's the same as this blog, I can be invisible in Amsterdam.
And have I got news for you. I'm planning to post some of my brainwaves. I'm curious what's going to happen. As you know I mainly reposted posts. A very important job I know, someone has to do it! Even with reposting posts people are kicking me off their 'friends list'. Can you imagine what's going to happen when I post my thoughts. And man, you won't believe some of them.
It's January 1st, 2017. I don't believe in 'new beginnings', it is as it is, it's just a date. I'm bad with dates, distances, but at least this date I can remember. But wait, why do I have to remember this date? See!! Brainwave. I better stop now and surf the internet.
I'm back!
Lots of things happened. Busy busy busy busy. Busyness is always a good excuse. I have a job again, I still have a daughter who is 18 years old now, and I have a home again, a very nice one. And I still love being back in Amsterdam instead of Amstelfuckingveen. In fact it's the same as this blog, I can be invisible in Amsterdam.
And have I got news for you. I'm planning to post some of my brainwaves. I'm curious what's going to happen. As you know I mainly reposted posts. A very important job I know, someone has to do it! Even with reposting posts people are kicking me off their 'friends list'. Can you imagine what's going to happen when I post my thoughts. And man, you won't believe some of them.
It's January 1st, 2017. I don't believe in 'new beginnings', it is as it is, it's just a date. I'm bad with dates, distances, but at least this date I can remember. But wait, why do I have to remember this date? See!! Brainwave. I better stop now and surf the internet.
I'm back!
Jan 21, 2015
Looking For A Tattoo Design
Yes, I'm going to give myself a present. A tattoo. Decided for a black one, geometrical or line. Outside arm + shoulder. Any suggestions?
It must 'fit' me, have a meaning to me.
Stumbled upon this one by Dots To Lines:
It must 'fit' me, have a meaning to me.
Stumbled upon this one by Dots To Lines:
Nov 24, 2014
I'm Back & I'm Looking For ...
I'm back ... back in Amsterdam (yeah!) and back on SylK's Playground. Finally. Three months homeless and now living between boxes. Waiting for quote contractor, waiting already for almost 2 weeks. But happy being back in Amsterdam in the awesome hood named BoLo.
Story of my life, all things happen at the same time. Ah well, if you live and make decisions shit happens. So I'm looking for a new challenge as they always say on LinkedIn. Or more straightforward, I'm looking for a job / project / freelance / permanent / part-time / fulltime, as long as it pays. The company I work for is reorganizing, last in - first out.
You're wondering probably "... a job ... I want to help ... but what kind of job?". So here we go: image research and / or negotiation, photography, workshop 'How To Deal With (Stock) Photography', sales, account management, social media. But anything will do, as long as it pays the bills.
Thanks for looking into this matter.
Story of my life, all things happen at the same time. Ah well, if you live and make decisions shit happens. So I'm looking for a new challenge as they always say on LinkedIn. Or more straightforward, I'm looking for a job / project / freelance / permanent / part-time / fulltime, as long as it pays. The company I work for is reorganizing, last in - first out.
You're wondering probably "... a job ... I want to help ... but what kind of job?". So here we go: image research and / or negotiation, photography, workshop 'How To Deal With (Stock) Photography', sales, account management, social media. But anything will do, as long as it pays the bills.
Thanks for looking into this matter.
Sep 22, 2014
I'lll Be Back
Sorry followers, me not blogging is circumstantial ... I'm homeless and moving between two friends. Found myself another house though. And a temp one for the month of October ... you will see me than!
Oct 16, 2011
Alter ...
My 13y old daughter has started this year in school with Spanish & German. Now she's sending me over new kind of videoclips.
Aug 3, 2011
New Job - Glow Images Benelux
It has been 3 days already that I'm working for Glow Images Benelux. It seems longer ... in a positive way. Setting up a Twitter account. Setting up a Facebook Fanpage. Setting up a blog. Contacting clients. Getting to know the website. Email account, backoffice, translations, technical problems that need to be solved together with terrific collegues in the States. In short: I like!
Jul 10, 2011
New Job
Can you imagine me, single mother, 52ys old accepting a new job, a new challenge?! Well, that's what happened. I'm starting August 1st.
Yesterday I came home and my 13y old daughter, Micky Puck, was painting. I asked her for whom she did that. She just said without looking at me: for you. So I left her with her painting. After a while she came into the kitchen and told me the painting was finished so I could take a look at it. The front was a standard cute dog and cat painting, but I was really surprised by the text on the back. She made it because of my new job.
A couple of weeks ago, when I was still struggling about yes or no, we were talking about it in the car. I was driving, she was playing with her Nintendo DS. Suddenly she said to me, without looking at me, just playing along with her Nintendo ... 'Mum, you always told me that when you are given an opportunity, you will have to take it, otherwise you're going to regret it'. Right back in the face!
That's what I needed. Everybody telling me, including my sensible self, 'you are alone with a child', 'you have a steady job' ... Now I'm going to a job which isn't steady at all, it is a big risk, with more freedom ... I think I give a better example to my daughter this way.
front side of the present of my daughter:
back side of the present of my daughter, it says "for mum. from Micky. Congratulations with your job, I'm proud of our choice, you can do it"
Saturday last week a friend came by, Helma, and her friend Robert. They brought me this plant with a label hanging on it: "We're proud of you"
This says it all. I've made the right decission, even when it fails.
Yesterday I came home and my 13y old daughter, Micky Puck, was painting. I asked her for whom she did that. She just said without looking at me: for you. So I left her with her painting. After a while she came into the kitchen and told me the painting was finished so I could take a look at it. The front was a standard cute dog and cat painting, but I was really surprised by the text on the back. She made it because of my new job.
A couple of weeks ago, when I was still struggling about yes or no, we were talking about it in the car. I was driving, she was playing with her Nintendo DS. Suddenly she said to me, without looking at me, just playing along with her Nintendo ... 'Mum, you always told me that when you are given an opportunity, you will have to take it, otherwise you're going to regret it'. Right back in the face!
That's what I needed. Everybody telling me, including my sensible self, 'you are alone with a child', 'you have a steady job' ... Now I'm going to a job which isn't steady at all, it is a big risk, with more freedom ... I think I give a better example to my daughter this way.
front side of the present of my daughter:
back side of the present of my daughter, it says "for mum. from Micky. Congratulations with your job, I'm proud of our choice, you can do it"
Saturday last week a friend came by, Helma, and her friend Robert. They brought me this plant with a label hanging on it: "We're proud of you"
This says it all. I've made the right decission, even when it fails.
Jun 9, 2011
Promis To Myself
Promis to myself ... "I will blog again tomorrow evening ... I will blog again tomorrow evening" ... Sorry, I was too busy with other stuff.
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